This week, Mary Mary made their much anticipated return to the gospel music scene with the release of their latest LP entitled Something Big. HeHates was not pleased with the fuckery heard on this project. Color me surprised when it became evident the Marys had ditched their signature urban gospel sound for something new.

HeHates had assumed the Something Big the Marys wanted to share was the good news of Jesus and his undying love. I’m now convinced the big something is instead the reality they’re no longer strictly a gospel act. For some, the change of pace will be refreshing. While others, like myself, will be confused and bothered.

It’s not often that I’m rendered speechless but Something Big had that effect on me. Ultimately, this craptastic album is hot, musty, maggot infested garbage. In my most wicked dreams, I never expected to hear some bullshit as tasteless as this. I don’t know what these chicks were smoking when they worked on this project but someone needs to perform an intervention. They can take this project and shove it where the sun don’t shine.

Album Rating
This bullshit ass album isn’t even worth rating. Don’t waste your money. We’re in a recession. These broads should pay you to listen to this craptacular filth.

Tracklisting & Song Review based on ***5 Grimaces to 5 Grins scale***
1. Something Big 2 Grimaces A cornball uptempo call and response tune better suited for kids to sing along to at daycare or daycamp than a gospel album. WTF is this?

2. Something Bigger 2 Grimaces A frenetic, fast-paced dance track. This is a great to listen to when you need push through the last few minutes of a workout. Why it’s included on a gospel album, I have no idea. Trivial bullshit.

3. Blind 3 1/2 Grins This rhythmic, midtempo tune should have you bobbing your head and/or snapping your fingers. The song is a signature Mary Mary jam with its playful, backing vocal arrangement, blaring, over sung background vocals and in your face lead vocals.

4. It Is Well 2 1/2 Grins Is a quieter sound vocally and sonically for Mary Mary. The lead vocals are restrained. In place of a music track, they opted for an autotuned acapella backing track that is easily mistaken for a B-3 Hammond organ than an actual human voice at times.

5. Never Wave My Flag 4 Grimaces Another misguided dance track. Trash. SKIP

6. Walking 1 Grimace Something Big’s lead single. Nothing noteworthy. A supposed uplifting message song wrapped in a old school, roller skating tune. Never got the point of this song. BORED. What is this noise coming out of my speakers? Boo!

7. Slow Walk 3 Grimaces An outro-interlude for Walking. Hmm…I don’t get it. Why did this make the album? The Marys take turns rattling off a spoken to-do list, Warryn Campbell appears to add a rap, there’s a sample of “Walking’s” vocals heard in the background and there’s a chorus that supposed to inspire the listener. Really don’t know what this is but it is some kind of awful. NEXT

8. Survive 1 Grin Another throwback track. This time they take on the disco sound. I can practice my cha cha cha. Not a bad idea but at this point I’m aggravated. This album is so all over the place. Boo!

9. Are You Ready? 2 Grimaces Next the ladies take a trip to CCM on this feel-good-uptempo-toe-tapping song. I’ve been rendered speechless. I want this listening session to be over.

10. Catch Me 1/2 Grin A CCM song that alternates between ballad and midtempo. I can hear what the song could’ve been had a different artist recorded the tune. I honestly don’t know why THEY are singing this. Actually I do. Dollars and cents.

11. Sitting With Me 1/2 Grin Another CCM ballad. This is a big song that requires the attention of an artist groomed to sing in this vain. Again I hear what the song could be. Paging Crystal Lewis!

12. Homecoming Glory 1 Grin The album closes with yet another CCM ballad. Definitely has morning worship service at a christian church written all over it.

Whew! Thankfully, it’s over. HeHates was about to smash something. This is definitely one of the worst albums I have heard this year. Even though the vocals were good and the production was top notch, the album direction was so suspect it negated the positives.

BUYER BEWARE!!!